pb&j, with a side of curry

It was the middle of the night, and the sand beneath my feet was just beginning to cool. I stepped off a small boat, onto an island, and a dreamlike scene unfolded before me. It was so dark, the Senegalese faces around me seemed almost ghostlike, with their white, flowing boubous (traditional African outfit) literally glowing.  I was dressed in my best Senegalese finery, and my language skills were decent by this point in my 2 yr term, but I still did not feel prepared for this situation. I had been the only white person in a group many times before, but not like this. To this day, I am not sure why we were even invited, but the family I was staying with at the time was going, and brought me along, and my summer volunteer. It was a very special religious event, that lasted all night long. Tents were set up for praying, teaching, and chanting the Koran. People relaxed in small groups, taking breaks from their spiritual endeavors to nap, drink tea, or eat a snack, before rejoining a ceremony. The joyful, noisy, friendly Africans I had gotten to know and feel comfortable had transformed themselves into serious, quiet, reserved pious Muslims. I knew only 2 people there, and they left us to fend for ourselves as they participated in the required events. Everywhere I looked was a minefield of cultural faux pas waiting to happen, and I was incredibly nervous and uncomfortable. It was a looooooong night. But that night will live in my memory forever, and I would never trade a moment of it!

Isn't this everybody's worst nightmare? To be in an uncomfortable situation, to not know how we should act, what we should say, maybe even what we should wear or eat? To not understand anything going on around us, not be able to communicate. Be scared, embarrassed, nervous.  Most of us completely take for granted how comfortable we feel in our own culture. We don't even know how much we know! It is so ingrained in us, we don't have to second guess each decision we make. Its good to feel safe, to feel like you know what's going on, and to be able to communicate so easily. But that may not always be the case, even if we stay right here in America. The nations have come to us, even if we don't interact with them on a regular basis. So even if we feel comfortable, chances are there are people close to you that feel exactly as described above. 

"In light of current world tensions, there is an unprecedented need for American Christians to meet, befriend and connect with those from other nations who now live within our borders. Most recent immigrants have never been invited into the home of an American who truly loves and follows Christ. As a result, few American Christians know them or understand their cultures." - www.reachingthenationsamongus.org 

Maybe you have a colleague from another culture, maybe a neighbor; or maybe you occasionally order food from an authentic ethnic restaurant! Maybe you feel a stirring that God wants to use you to be his mouthpiece of grace and reconciliation in some of these cross-cultural relationships. There is so much to be enjoyed and gained by broadening our horizons and friendship circle to include those we may not normally gravitate towards, because of certain barriers such as language. A few tools to use to help us overcome these barriers:

1. Smile It may sound too good to be true, but it isnt! It communicates the same thing in any language. And it means all that much more to a person who is not used to getting a real, sincere, look you in the eye kind of smile from someone. Add a handshake, and you're probably way ahead of the pack. (At least in Africa, handshakes are very important, and a must when greeting someone.) 
2. Learn his/her name This also sounds simple, but often, if we cant pronounce something, we probably wont take a risk of saying it, because we'll do it wrong. And that would be embarrassing. But just looking at the nametag and asking, "how do you pronounce your name?" means so so much. Props if you can say it right the next time you see them! 
3. Extend an invitation to your home I must confess, I have struggled in this one. What if they dont like my food? What if they are coming to be polite but dont really want to? What if they talk about me and I cant understand? What if they see how much "stuff" (although it isnt much) I have and think I'm wealthy and ask me for money? It can be really difficult to smile and just be relaxed in that kind of situation. There may be some awkward moments. But hospitality means so much in all traditional cultures. To invite someone into your home and share a meal with them communicates a great deal, and is crucial in building a relationship with someone. Dont stress about it; your guests know they are in America, you are American, and they expect your house, family, and life to be different from theirs. 
4. Be a learner The other day, I met an African, and asked not what country he was from, but what tribe he was. You'd think I had brought a check from Publishers Clearing House, he was so surprised and appreciative. Such a small thing, but I guess no American he had come into contact with had brought that up with him. If there is a large population of a certain group of people in your area (and immigrants often end up in groups), take the time to learn a little bit about that culture, and the country from which they came. Yes, I know, they live in America now. And I imagine they are very happy to be here. But that doesnt mean they dont think about and miss their home country. Ask them about it. It will mean alot. 
5. Be aware of boundaries Many cultures have stricter boundaries when it comes to things like male/female relationships. At least in traditional Africa (not necessarily the cities), if a man and a woman have a relationship, it is probably sexual, not just a friendship. I have found that being friendly is always good, but too personal, not so much. When in doubt, be extra careful. You dont want to send the wrong message. As Christ-followers, it is extremely important that we be above reproach, even if it is just perception. (Come to think of it, this might be a good rule of thumb for any culture, including ours! ;-)
6. Buy a dictionary Oh, I'm getting serious, now! :-) There are so many people here who speak little to no English; either they are newcomers, or just haven't managed to grasp this language, especially if they immigrated as adults, and their own language uses a different alphabet. (Before you make judgments about someone having a hard time learning English, chances are they already speak a few languages of their own!) If we really want to reach our neighbors with the hope of Jesus Christ, we are going to have to put some effort into it. Yes, they could come to your church. Yes, they can flip their radio to a Christian station, or catch a preacher on tv. But rarely is that enough. Maybe God is already working in their heart, and you are in their path for a reason. Learning just a few words, to be able to speak to someone in their own language, might be what makes the difference in their life. (Handy dandy technology these days, you can find an online dictionary for nearly any language. Just whip out your smartphone or ipad, type in the word you want, and you're good to go. You may get laughed at for pronouncing it wrong. Thats ok! Just laugh with them, dont be embarrassed or self-conscious. They pronounce English words wrong too.) 
7. Grab a baby! No, I am not suggesting you kidnap their   child :-). But children are a universal icebreaker. In Senegal, there was alot of sitting around.  We played with so many babies, all the time. (And there were alot of babies. When the law allows up to 4 wives, you do the math. . . !) Everybody can laugh at a toddler's antics, appreciate the universal language of a baby's babbling. If you have children, bring them with you. Instead of going to the park in your neighborhood, find another park, where immigrant children might play. Chances are they'll make friends pretty quickly, and there you go, an inroad to a family who doesnt know Christ!
8. Share celebrations together Many of the people who live in America have never celebrated Thanksgiving, Christmas, or Easter. These are great opportunities to reach out to newcomers and invite them into your family's celebration. You can live in America and still not really see or understand what Christmas and Easter are about. Most people, no matter what their cultural or religious background, want to learn more about American culture. This is a way you can share about Christ in a non-threatening way, because it is also a cultural lesson. Likewise, those from different cultures have a rich heritage of their own celebrations, and from everything I have seen, would love to share it with you! It means so much to people that we would take the time to celebrate Chinese New Year or something with them, and a great honor to be invited to share in that special time. Don't worry about not subscribing to the religious/spiritual beliefs behind it. Just because you share a meal at sundown with those breaking the Ramadan fast that doesnt mean you are supporting what they are doing. It actually brings about opportunities for conversation that would not be had if we kept our distance. (Obviously, use the wisdom of the Holy Spirit to know how much to participate in.)
9. Meet them on their turf There are many Sudanese who work at our Walmart. One elderly woman I had seen often. She was responsible for sweeping the floors, and every time I saw her, her head was down, and she was pushing that giant broom along aisle after aisle. I stopped her once to say hi, and ask where she was from. (Be prepared: nearly everyone I've met first responds with "Africa." I have to ask again to get any more specific) She told me South Sudan, and I got really excited, and told her my family might be moving close to there, across the border in northern Kenya, blah blah blah. She was completely unresponsive the whole time, didnt smile or anything. I went home thinking, ok, crazy white girl, party of one, aisle 10 please. The fact that I knew a tiny bit of information about her country did not make an impact on her at all. I continued to see her at Walmart regularly, and asked how she was, but that was it. Some time later, I went to an African church service. During the singing, many of the women gravitated towards the front as they danced and trilled. Amongst the joyful group, who did I see but my 'friend' from Walmart! She doesnt speak much English, but smiled at me and said hi. A while later again, Patrick and I were helping a friend move into a new place, an subsidized apartment complex that is about half African immigrants. I was holding the door open, and a very small, very black, very old woman comes through, hidden behind a giant hamper of laundry. Behind the hamper, I see a gold tooth glinting. It's my Sudanese friend! She was so surprised to see me, but very happy. She put her laundry down, gave me a hug, and asked about each of the children, asked what i was doing there, and I got to meet her family. (Who live 2 doors down from my friend.) I think you get the point. Learning someone's name and taking the time to really see them and appreciate their work might have been polite, but it wasnt until she saw me in her world that she trusted me, and let me in. If we are going to gain the trust to speak into people's lives with the hope of Jesus Christ, we have to go to where they are, not wait for them to come to us. 
10. Be a bridge I hope that newcomer ministry is something you feel drawn towards, but still, no one person can help everybody. As much as I would like to find housing, find jobs, teach English and citizenship classes, even witness, etc to everybody I meet, I cant do it. But i can familiarize myself with what is available through other avenues. Our town has free ESL, GED, citizenship, workforce preparation, and other classes. A bus can pick you up, and there is childcare provided, and I can make people aware of that, and help them figure out how to register. I know which churches have services in different languages. You can easily get a hold of Bibles, Jesus films, and other evangelistic tools in any language you need, and carry them in your car. We can only build close relationships with a few people, but we can still help to meet the physical and spiritual needs of those around us, in the name of Christ. 

I know it seems counter intuitive to embrace an awkward situation when what we want to do is avoid it. But people are waiting on us to hear about Jesus. Its worth it. HE is worth it. Let's go to them!