the crisp connection

so i am the kind of person who likes to have everything together, everything under control. and while having everything under control, planning out the next thing to have under control. i am sure we will look back on this time in our life and laugh. or maybe just breathe a prayer of thanks we arent there anymore.

so patrick has been at this job since november, and has put alot of effort into the sales side of things. the first little while, there were no contracts, so he was on the road marketing nearly all the time. He hired and trained a new operator, and got 2 of the 4 trucks into decent working condition. All the networking has paid off, and July was all ready to be the busiest month they've ever had. However, in the past few weeks, the trucks have had nearly everything go wrong that could possibly go wrong. And last week, one of his operators quit on him. Right in the middle of a job. Patrick has been working harder than I've ever seen, and mostly physical labor, picking up the slack, while also doing the operations manager job, and dealing with equipment failures all over the place, some quite serious. just today, one of the 2 working trucks "blew up" (whatever that means) and is completely out of commission. But they're completely booked up with contracts, so he has to find another truck. and another operator, so he can get back to sales and managing. And did i mention that we're regularly having days in the 100s? and this hydrovac excavation thing is outside? and you have to wear jeans, gloves, and supposedly a suit overtop? except today he took it off because it was just too hot and you should have seen him when he came home. (I thank God every day for the uniform company. i dont do any of his wash!)

Then there's me. I may be the only 3rd time pregnant woman who actually reads things like babycenter.com, because its fairly useless advice at this point. apparently, the experts want you to relax, take naps, and exercise. well, thats wonderful, if being pregnant is your only role in life. for the rest of us, we dont relax or rest, so we dont have energy to exercise. and if we try to take naps, our lively 3 yr olds prevent us from doing so, and then we can only get through the rest of the day by eating oreos, and hiding it from aforementioned 3 yr old while she eats her cantaloupe. I'm not regretting committing to babysit until 3 days from my due date, because i figured as long as i have my own, whats a few more. but it is twice as much work. and i'm fairly confident that all 4 of them enjoy seeing me try to get up and down off the floor, which is why they make as much mess as they can. throwing food off highchairs, dumping every single toy tub out while i'm trying to do school, etc. And climbing on my lap constantly, elbowing me as much as possible. And another thing everybody says is let things go, you have to lower your expectations of clean house, meals, etc. Well some of us dont enjoy living in a dirty house, and that just adds to the stress. and really, who wants to bring a newborn into a dirty house? I cant sit and relax when my house is either cluttered or actually dirty. and as far as food, take out (even if we had that option here) is far too expensive, and sandwiches and cereal get old, for supper. so there you go, the work load stays the same, no matter how many wks pregnant you are. or how many wks postpartum. i have made some concessions like getting my kids to wear their pyjamas until they actually smell, before putting them in the laundry. child abuse? :-)

there are many things in our lives right now that we want to give ourselves too. patrick recently became co-ordinator of our church's mens ministry, which is basically starting from the ground up. i have taken on more responsibilities on the missions committee, and i would love to devote more time/energy to that. our wonderful, amazing children definitely deserve all the time and attention we could give them. i recently started teaching violin lessons, and am borrowing one myself from a friend. i actually imagined i would be practicing and getting back into it. and each other. we want to give each other more. right now we're like 2 ships passing. hes been leaving so early in the mornings, i dont see him then. by the time patrick gets home and washes the days dirt off him, i have gotten the kids fed, bathed (yes, i'm still managing to bend down into the bathtub) and into bed and tried to do some chores that i never get around to during the day, we attempt this pathetic youth group side hug (all i can manage right now) and exchange words like "wow, you look tired." "yeah, my back is killing me." "oh, mine too." and then we go to our separate bedrooms, because i am not a good sleeper at the best of times, and this, my friends, is not the best of times.

there"s this 3 syllable word that echoes inside our heads, some days louder than others. VA-CA-TION. or retreat, is really what we'd like, with each other, and then also with the kids. why does it seem like things happen all at the same time? and not just to us. my sister (not the pregnant one) has had 3 huge things, all at one time. i would like to be there for her more. just like she'd like to be here for me. and my mom would like to be here for all of us equally too, but they have so much going on right now. so i'm not trying to say we're the only ones in this boat. i know God doesnt give us more than we can handle, but i dont want to just survive. i want more than just making it through the day. i guess its just the season.

its 10.30, and even though i know i wont fall asleep till 12 or 1, i still need to try. the next few days are going to have much earlier starts than normal, so i need to at least try to be prepared. Thank God for his promise that we only have to worry about the day we're in. If i can learn that, this will be worthwhile!

(dont be surprised if there is no new post for awhile! patrick and i may have run off to mexico. :-)